i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
