I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
