I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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