Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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