So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
