Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
