It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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