The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We need to rekindle our bromance
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
