Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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