note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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