I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did I show you my penis last night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
