and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
