bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
