I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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