You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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