i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
