So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize