I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its liver damage thursday
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