You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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