I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
