If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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