I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
