she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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