why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
