You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
