I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
