just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
