morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i dont even know how to be here
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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