You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
