My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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