It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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