are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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