I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
