you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
