So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
