when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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