she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
