that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
