hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
