Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
