I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize