Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
