hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
