I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
