I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My ass is underappreciated
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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