Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't turn off my feet"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
