Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
