Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize