There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
