I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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