what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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