What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
