this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
