Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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