It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
