: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize