i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
