She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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