I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
