winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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