i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We are two peas in an std pod
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
