College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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