Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
