I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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