A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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